i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
