how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
try to milk me bitch
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