brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
