Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
