Porn is love you can see.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
