i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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