shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
