youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
