I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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