Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
