If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
