Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
