I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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