I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
