I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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