She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
