I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
