yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
