fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
