R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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