Already got asked if we're dating
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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