I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
