its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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