ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
