The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
