I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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