Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
