i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
