Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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