hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
