the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
