Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
