i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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