we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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