Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
