nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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