Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
