Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
