peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
