Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
