This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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