I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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