I think I just saw someone hide a body.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
