it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
