I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
