I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
