Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
