Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No subtext here. People are naked.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
