I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
