woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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