If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
