Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
