Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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