Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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