If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
