You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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