I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
