therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I want a musical about memes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
