Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
