im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize