Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
