Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
