I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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