why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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