If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
