When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
